


Perfect situations must go wrong

by sarahcakes613



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahcakes613/pseuds/sarahcakes613
Summary: Rafael and Sonny share a life bond, but when that bond is challenged, Rafael worries that it was never real to begin with.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52
Collections: Barisi Pride 2020





	Perfect situations must go wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Slightly Rearranged](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24275773) by [sarahcakes613](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahcakes613/pseuds/sarahcakes613). 



> Hey look, it's more of the hand-wavey magic 'verse I apparently made up. To catch anyone up: Sonny's grandfather was magical, Rafael's grandfather saved him, and it led to a bond between the families that was finalized when Rafael married Sonny.
> 
> This covers Side A: Blue and Side B: Life Bond for the June challenge.

The night his grandfather dies, Sonny stops feeling Rafael in the back of his mind.

The mystical string that ties them together had tied it’s final knot the day they got married, and it had settled in their souls, a unity between them that is everpresent in a corner of their minds. They can’t hear each others thoughts, there’s no uncanny finishing each other’s sentences, but they can read each other without words.

It’s not until Rafael’s presence is gone that Sonny realises how much he’s grown to depend on it.

They don’t talk about it, because first there is a wake, a funeral, a burial. There are the hundred and one things to do when a long life has ended, and it is in Sonny’s nature to take on more than his share. Rafael feels helpless, because for all that he can _see_ the stress that shows as storm clouds overpowering the sky blue of Sonny’s eyes, he can’t _feel_ it anymore, can’t push his own love and support into Sonny’s mind.

Sonny is afraid to talk about it, to give voice to their new reality. He misses the certainty of their former life. He knows Rafael is pulling away from him, can tell even without his husband’s presence in his mind.

They separately throw themselves back into work, trying to distract themselves from life’s curveball. Rafael is ruthless in the courtroom, risking censure at every turn as he relentlessly tears down alibis like tissue paper, Sonny chases perps like it’s an Olympic sport, and everyone can see they are no longer gelling the way they used to, but no one wants to be the one to say it.

Olivia finally snaps after watching Sonny and Barba completely botch trial prep. Sonny is flustered, Rafael is barking at him, it’s like they’re strangers forced together by circumstance, not a long-married couple. She sends Sonny out for lunch, hustles Barba back to his office and shuts the door.

“You want to tell me what the hell is going on, Rafa?”

He glares at her, mouth set in a near-pout.

She rolls her eyes. “Seriously? You look like Noah when he doesn’t want to get in the tub.”

That puts a crack in his demeanor, and the one crack sets him crumbling, dropping into his chair with a dry sob.

Olivia stands next to him, her hand on his shoulder, waiting for him to speak.

“He’s gone,” Rafael says, his voice hoarse. “He’s right there in front of me, but _he’s gone_.” He taps his head.

Olivia doesn’t have a lot of experience with the kind of bond that brought Sonny and Rafael together, but she knows her friend, and she knows there’s more going on here.

“It’s more than that, isn’t it?” She asks, probing gently. “It’s not like you two are the only couple who has to rely on external cues from each other now.”

Rafael puts his hand over his heart, clutches at his shirt.

“What if it was never real?” He says it out loud for the first time since the thought had struck him. “What if the only reason he loves me is because of a stupid magical bond that tied us together, that turned out to be meaningless, since it apparently died with it’s creator.” His voice raises as he speaks, the words falling out of his mouth staccato.

“Okay, no, that’s ridiculous. Sonny is the literal personification of a Warner Bros cartoon when you walk into the room, there’s nothing fake about those heart eyes.”

Rafael shakes his head, brushing away her attempt at reassurance.

“What if it’s all been a lie, this entire time? What if nothing about it has been real? How could it have been? We only married because we had to, god Liv, what if that’s all it ever was?”

Her grip on his shoulder tightens, and she forces his head up to look her in the eye.

“I don’t believe that for one second, and I don’t think you do either. Your love is real, Rafa, it exists outside your bond.”

He twists his head away, a bitter expression on his face.

“I don’t know what I believe anymore. It’s like my feelings are my own for the first time in years, and I’m left questioning the validity of everything I’ve felt all this time.”

Olivia lets go of him. “Look, even if, and I’m not saying it’s the case, but even if, it was all because of the bond, you built something together. That came from somewhere, Rafa. You do love him, and he does love you.”

“That’s just it, Liv. I don’t know if I do, and I don’t know if he does. I can’t trust anything I think I feel right now.”

There’s a choked gasp from the door and they both look over to see Sonny standing there, a bag dangling loosely from one hand. His mouth is open and his eyes are wide.

“Sonny -,” Olivia moves towards him, and he takes a step to the side, shaking his head.

“Lieu, can I talk to my husband alone? Please?” He doesn’t look at her, his eyes focused on Rafael.

“Yeah, of course. I’ve got to get back to the office anyhow. Take the afternoon, if you need.”

She leaves, gently shutting the door behind her. Sonny strides over to the small table Rafael keeps his whiskey on, pours a generous finger and slams it back, then pours another and sets it down in front of Rafael.

“Keep up.” He orders, pushing the glass closer to his husband.

Rafael takes a large swig. Sonny’s cheeks are flushed, two spots of pink high on his cheekbones. His eyes are wet, the clear blue shining like a pond in the sunshine.

“You really think all that?” Sonny asks, after a few minutes of silence.

“How much did you hear?” Rafael asks in response.

“Enough.” Sonny chews on his lip. “Do you really think the only reason we love each other is because of the life bond?”

Rafael laughs, but it’s bitter. “There is no life bond, Sonny. That’s the point! It died with your grandfather, which means it never existed! We’ve been together all this time for no reason!”

Sonny’s eyes flash, the blue temporarily subsumed by a thunderous grey. “I don’t believe that.”

Rafael shrugs, tipping back his glass and letting the burn of the whiskey trickle down his throat.

“Believe what you want. You’re free to do that, now. Free to do whatever you want.”

“And what if what I want is to be with you?”

Rafael snorts. “Yeah, because I’m such a catch. Don’t you get it?” He asks, waving at himself and then at Sonny. “I’m almost ten years older than you, all I do is work, you hate the way I load the dishwasher, and in six years we’ve never once agreed on a movie to see. In a world where we didn’t have to, we never would have met, much less dated or gotten married.”

“Then I’m real glad that world doesn’t exist.” Sonny says. “Because I love you, and I don’t care if you think it’s not real, I do, and I’m not about to stop loving you just because you think I should.”

The energy in the room shifts as he speaks, the air thick and close around them. Sonny leans forward, his hands planted on the desk. Rafael looks away, unwilling to let his eyes meet Sonny’s, those sunshine blue eyes he loves so much now gone navy, dark like the oncoming storm.

“It was never real,” He insists, though his voice is weak, less sure now.

“I don’t care what it was or wasn’t, Rafi. I care about what it is. This, right here, right now. This is real. My love for you is real.” Sonny’s voice doesn’t even waver.

“How can you know?” Rafael asks. “How can you be so sure?”

“I believe in you,” Sonny says simply. “And that’s enough for me to know.”

And then something inside Rafael bends a little, something in the back of his mind is picking at him, pushing it’s way in. He loosens his hold on himself, trying to open up to it. There is a flicker of ceiling lights and he can hear Carmen cry out in the next room as all the office appliances whir and beep as they turn off and on.

“Don’t you get it, Rafi?” Sonny asks, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper. “A life bond like ours, it’s a living thing. The beginning of our story is just that, a beginning. We chose the steps that came after. How can you say none of that was real?”

Rafael closes his eyes, opens them, and looks straight at Sonny. He’s there, but he's also _there_ , back where he belongs, a soft, warm presence in Rafael’s mind.

“ _Sonny_ ,” Rafael cries, his hands reaching out.

Sonny rushes around the desk, kneeling down next to Raf and wrapping his arms around his husband.

“You were _gone_ ,” Rafael tucks his face into Sonny’s neck, his shoulders shaking as he tries to hold back the wave of tears threatening to dampen Sonny’s collar.

“I’m here, Raf, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

They stay like that for long enough that it becomes uncomfortable for Sonny, and he shifts to sit on Rafael’s lap, straddling his husband. It’s not sexual, neither of them looking for anything other than tactile comfort right now, and Sonny strokes Rafael’s back, runs a hand softly through his hair. He pushes on the space in his mind where his husband is, and relishes in the feeling of a push back.

Eventually, embarrassment creeps into Rafael, and he nudges Sonny off, clearing his throat and wiping at his eyes with his sleeve.

“Yes, well, that’s enough maudlin behaviour from us today, I think.” He looks up at Sonny, who smiles down at him.

Sonny’s eyes are once again their clear _celeste cielo_ shade, the sky that Rafael’s soul soars through.

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending's a bit abrupt, I couldn't entirely sort out where to take it from there, but I think (hope) it works as it stands.


End file.
